It’s starting to get late, and as I write this on August 6th I’m officially two days away from my 38th birthday. This is where my mind, again, goes down the road of:
To celebrate or not celebrate, that is the question.
A few years ago, coming up on 10 years soon, I had a birthday where I had invited friends and prepared by doing plenty of baking.
Only..no one, absolutely no one came. I had never felt that devastated before. Never felt that I didn’t matter or that no one cared about me.
The year after that, I didn’t want to celebrate my birthday – at all!
Ever since then, I find it hard to look forward to my birthday. I feel like it’s something that is more for others and their expectations than it is for my own sake.
For a while, I used that day to prepare for the upcoming semester. I used to get my hair cut (ah, the freedom of pre-covid) and do some necessary shopping. That was more or less it.
A few years ago, I was supposed to meet my best friend for a coffee to celebrate. When the day arrived, I didn’t feel like it at all and canceled – only to reschedule again a few hours later when I was at a really low point and didn’t want to be alone.
Thankfully, my friend knows me well enough and this wasn’t a problem at all. We met, talked, and I even got a sweet birthday present from her.
This year, again, I don’t feel like celebrating. The problem? My two kids are here this week and insist on their mum needing to have a birthday cake 😅 So..I’ve invited my friend and her family over to help take care of the said cake.
Somehow the kids also convinced me to bake things for this occasion, not sure how that happened 🤔
Either way, I’ll keep my expectations low. I look forward to seeing my friend and her family, but I’ll also make sure to take care of myself later that night when I’m all alone again.
I wonder what I will feel and do in two years when I turn 40…that and 50 seems to be numbers where you’re more or less obliged to celebrate in style. As an ambivert (or introvert), I don’t feel the need for this at all…
The good part is I still have two more years to plan my get away from the whole problem😅
How do you feel about birthdays? Do you like celebrating big or do you prefer a more low-key approach?